If you want the pinnacle of movie tie-in games then look no further than The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay. If you want a game that represents everything that is wrong with quick movie cash-ins then look no further than The Da Vinci Code. Since Da Vinci Code fans all love puzzles, here is an anagram to properly describe this game: A SMUG CHESS KIT.

THE STORY SO FAR

If you don't know the story of The Da Vinci Code by now then I'm surprised you're reading this, because you shouldn't be able to see this since you have no eyes! Yes, I'm imaging the Bringers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But seriously, as much controversy as this story has caused in the time since the novel's release, it would've taken a considerable effort to either not feel inclined enough to go read the book yourself, not catch the insane amount of television specials covering the ideas proposed, or pony up the money to see the movie.

But if, for some unimaginable reason you don't know the story, here is a quick blurb. You play as Robert Langon, a symbologist, who is called to The Louvre to investigate a murder that happened there, because his name is written at the crime scene next to the dead body. While there Robert meets Sophie Neveu, a young, French officer, who has past ties with the deceased. On the run from the cops, evil albino monks, and the Christian religion as a whole, Robert and Sophie must follow the clues that have been left for them if they want any hope at all in finding out why they are being pursued and finding what long lost secret is out there for them to discover.

The story of The Da Vinci Code is solid and intriguing…if you haven't read the novel. For someone who has never had any prior experience to the story, the game does a good job of getting you the gist of it (though they change a few story points to make the game…well…more a game) while including a little more history regarding symbols should that be your thing. As someone who has read the book (thank you jury duty) and both seen the movie, I'm a bit tired of the story by now. I mean, it's still a good story, but there usually comes a point when everything loses its impact. As the story unfolded there was no intrigue or suspense as I came closer and closer to discovering the mystery. Imagine if you met someone and they told you the same story each time you met them; you'd be interested the first time around, but as you wait for the payoff or the punch line, there is everything else to wade through.

The game presents its story through cutscene after cutscene and voiceovers that occur when you run across interactable pieces of the environment that are used to solve the puzzles, though you'll really not care since they are all presented in a rather uninteresting manner. The cutscenes are animated in such a way as to give high school performances an Oscar winning luster and the voiceovers sounds just like you'd expect them to sound – someone reading a history book out loud.

GAMEPLAY

Since there is no multiplayer (and for a game of this type, what really could they've done anyways) gameplay is strictly limited to the single player variety. Though commercials and screenshots alone would have you believe this is some action game combined with stealth elements, you couldn't be farther away from the truth. The Da Vinci Code is an old school adventure game, but without all the pointing and clicking. The game actually controls a lot like Syberia did for the Xbox in many regards.

You'll use the left thumbstick to control your character and the right to control the camera. The A-button performs an action (such as examining something), the X-button is used to attack, the left trigger is to go in stealth mode (ie crouch), the right trigger runs, and the black button calls up your inventory. The controls aren't advanced at all, but the game is so simple in concept you wouldn't expect them to be. And though they aren't advanced, they will from time to time come off that way because some actions shouldn't be as hard to activate or to perform as they are presented here.

As you run about the open environments, you'll look for things you can either pickup or investigate (you'll know thanks to a big button that appears saying "press me"). Items you pickup will go into your inventory, and from here they can be used, combined, or examined. When you find an area you can investigate, your camera will zoom in as if you are looking through your character's eyes; here you'll swing a camera around looking for anything that will highlight so you can interact with it.

With objects in your inventory, you'll use these to solve the various puzzles. For the most part, puzzles are easy, really easy. Rarely will there come a time when you see something and have absolutely no idea what to do. Hmm…I see dogs blocking my way and there are some bowls, maybe I need food. I have food, but now how to call them over. Ah, there is a bell. It really doesn't get any easier than this. The only puzzles I actually had to cheat on were the puzzles where letters were represented as symbols and you had to replace the symbols with the proper letter. The reasons these were hard because you have so many letter choices and everything is blank, so it is just a lot of trial and error, which I can't stand. Trial and error for a purpose (Splinter Cell) I can handle, but trial and error because you don't know how to do it any better, well, I'll pass. And though the game has a hint system, rarely does it do any good, because it will maybe give you three vague hints, and then just keep recycling, never helping you more and more till you figure it out. "Look at your notes" – really, thanks hint system, I never would've thought that, oh wait, yes I did, it was the first thing I did!

Beyond puzzles you have these ridiculous QTE events (I love you Shenmue, but blast you for your influence reaching to games like this) that you'll have to perform for every day tasks like cutting bolts, lifting something, or pushing something. Ugh! Now, if there was a button to make my character flip this game the bird, then maybe I'd press those buttons faster, but as is, there is no hurry to them unlike in Resident Evil 4 or Shenmue where if you weren't quick you were done for.

And finally we come to the combat portion of the game. This so called "combat" (yes, I'm using finger quotes as I'm typing) happens whenever you aren't sneaky enough, which is itself a joke since you can pass right next to someone, pass right to the side of their peripherals, or walk right in front of them through vague shadows that don't obscure you a bit and they still won't see you. Even if you are caught, it doesn't matter much, because as long as you have a one on one scenario you can always win. Combat involves pressing the attack button until the enemy grapples with you (you can occasionally get the upper hand in a grapple), but typically you'll have to perform a button press scenario to turn the tides. Once the tides are turned, you can choose to push (worthless) your enemy, throw (equally worthless) them, or attack (ding ding we have a winner). To attack you once again do a string of button presses to make your character perform a canned fight scenario; do this about two or three times and every enemy will go down. Fighting is always a chore and a bore, but it gets even worse when there are more than one enemy, because you can be about ready to perform your attack when the other person will hit you and screw up your process. If your partner is on the screen at the same time, they'll try to help, but often they would grab the person I was dealing with just fine, which meant I couldn't quickly perform the required attacks to easily do away with them and move on.

The game typically follows the book to the letter, but you'll occasionally go someplace that isn't in the book (Sophie's granddad's house) or you'll either explore a place more than what is only touched on briefly.

GRAPHICS

Everything is rather "meh" in this game: characters generally look so-so to below average, environments are rather barren of objects, and everything seems rather dull. I'm trying to think of something, anything, that really made me go "oooh" but I'm drawing nothing but blanks.

SOUND

The music: bad. The voicework: pretty bad, and some of the line readings are lacking so much energy you'll want to fall asleep or skip the cutscene altogether. The sound effects: are you kidding me? Say you find an object you can swing as a club and you hit it against the wall, you'd expect a sound wouldn't you? Well, you don't get one. Pick a can off the ground and throw it, you'd expect a sound right? I think you maybe, maybe get something that sounds like paper crackling, but it is definitely not a can being bounced on the ground.

OVERALL

Let me make this as perfectly clear as I can: read a book! Seriously, if you want to experience the story of The Da Vinci Code, read the book. If you hate to read, settle for the movie, though you are missing out since books are always better than their movie screen counterpart, especially in this case (amazing considering the pedigree behind it) as it loses a lot of the joy that comes from discovering the clues. And never, ever, under any circumstances, play the game. It is a terrible adventure game. A terrible movie tie-in game. And a plain old terrible game…period. Remember that anagram I started the review off with…

A SMUG CHESS KIT = THIS GAME SUCKS

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