A'ight, I'm about to give you the 411 on street living and gangbanging as I jack me an Ant, smack me up a po-po, show these thugs who the true daddy be, and run over all the hotdog wearing fools and pimpalicious players giving me no respect. For all those who don't speak the Saint's Row lingo yet: Hello, I'm going to review Saint's Row, in which you are a gangster on the street, who likes to partake in stealing cars, beating up the police, and showing everyone who is the real boss as you run over mascots and pimps for giving you lip.

THE STORY SO FAR
Much like Clint Eastwood's man with no name, you play a young youth who one day finds himself caught between a gang war as three rival gangs all try to out each other; you'd be nothing more than another statistic if it wasn't for Julius, the leader of a new gang called the 3rd Street Saints. Wanting in on the action, you head to the church they use as a base, and get your introduction (aka get your butt whooped by everyone) – congratulations, you are now officially in the gang.

As you work through the story, in-game cutscenes and missions will fill in the story, as you help Julius and his 3rd Street Saints make their voice heard, as they set out to takedown the other gangs ruling the city. The story is a nice rise to power, as it feels like you are one of the gang, helping make yourself known, and though you don't speak any, your actions do plenty of talking. The story missions range anywhere from trying to make another gang look back by running from the police; faking the death of someone; saving kidnapped women; and bringing down a brothel (not because you find it offensive, just because you want that turf). Along the way, the story will take several twists and turns, as alliances will be tested, and you must ultimately decide where you fit into it all.

It's a shame that you can't be a woman in the game, because there are plenty of female character models, and your gang even has women in it (why they weren't included ultimately, who knows). And it isn't like women aren't playing the game, because I've ran into my share while playing the multiplayer (more on that to come). Who this game is not for is the young, as there is a lot here to warp a little kid's mind, as you can do drugs, kill countless people, and has enough sexual content (in terms of both graphic and somewhat subtle) to make even Sue Johannsen blush a little at the things one hears within this game. I'm talking about busting into a brothel to see NPCs in various sexual positions as if you caught them in the middle of the act, to women crawling from under tables, to missions where you act as an escort, driving a car around while a stripper and patrons get freaky in the back, and though the dialogue is hilarious to a point you wouldn't believe, the frankness is astounding for a videogame (one in particular involved using a shake to cleanse the taste buds of something referenced in the original Clerks movies…and that is about as far as I'm willing to touch that one with a ten foot pole).

SINGLE PLAYER: GAMEPLAY
As mentioned, the story of the game is at the heart of the matter, but you sadly can't unlock everything right away – you need respect. After completing a mission, you'll find that you need to make the voice of the Saint's more known throughout the city, and by competing in various tasks, you'll not only earn money to buy things like new weapons, clothes, plastic surgery, or parts or paint schemes to pimp out that ride you just jacked, but you'll also earn Respect that goes to helping you play another story mission (beat another mission and you'll have to earn more respect – though you can rack up the respect early on so you can play several story missions in a row if you want).

Variety is the key of life in Saint's Row, as there are multitudes of ways in which you can gain that credibility. You can be the escort I've already described; compete in the demolition derby; gather hookers from pimps to give to a less than unfortunate pimp; play hitman; hijack cars for a chop shop; compete in street races; partake in insurance fraud; cause as much destruction as you can; protect a drug trafficker, etc. Competing some tasks completely, like the demolition derby, will even unlock goodies for you like two of the cars you used. Some of the missions are more fun than others (like the escort missions for the dialogue alone and the insurance fraud missions are hilarious as you try to hurt yourself up to a given dollar amount), but others are terribly frustrating (like the hitman missions where it is literally almost like finding a needle in a haystack).

Though the church is the base for your gang, you make your home at a little rundown nothing, but all the necessities are there, like plenty of weapon ammo to stock up on, a place to change your clothes into the different wardrobes you have bought, to a safe that keeps the money from the hood territories you have sealed up for yourself. You've also got an endless garage there, where once you jack a car you can stash it there for later use (and though unlike the GTA series, your car will always be there once you have stashed it; even if you blew it up, it will magically appear there so you don't have to find another one, though you'll have to pay the cost to fix it). The garage system works well given the fact you can pimp out your car rides, and after spending all that money to trick out your car with neon lights, why would you want to go through all that hassle if you are just going to end up crashing the car sooner than later (the system saves your work so after your car gets destroyed, once you pay it will be just like it was).

The controls work well for the on-foot portions, though I wish they'd been able to map the sprint button to something other than the right bumper, and the aiming can be a tad twitchy, especially when you compare it to other similar games that use a lock-on feature. As for the driving portions of the game, the vehicles handle a bit loose until you get accustomed to them, but you'll get through the learning curve soon enough. If I have one complaint about the driving, it's that the gas and brake/reverse are tied to the A and X-buttons (right trigger – the usual gas button – is used for shooting while you are driving). Once again, you'll get a feel for the mechanic in due time, but it is a little trying at first.

The great thing about the game is how it feels like a real world; while the Grand Theft Auto series felt like a world when you were playing the story missions, the other downtime lacked that sense of quality, as cruising in the streets yielded nothing more than cars to hijack and people to run over. In Saint's Row, however, you'll find people of all various walks of life, from other gang members to homeless people looking for some change to pimps and prostitutes walking the street. Not only that, but they all have their random events too, because one time I heard a police siren come up from behind me, and I thought I had done something wrong, but instead he went over to a pimp, threatened him, and then the pimp pulled out a shotgun from his coat and killed the cop in cold blood. I've seen other instances too where you'll be coming out from a store, and you'll see a hijacking take place, and you aren't even involved. Overall, it's the little attention to details like this that make the game worth it.

MULTI-PLAYER: GAMEPLAY
Yes, for the first time you can take a sandbox gang game online, and it actually is quite addicting (when it works correctly). After creating your consistent character, you can play a wide variety of ranked and non-ranked missions, insuring you either just have a little fun or make yourself known. Available as both single and team games, you can compete in deathmatches; story type scenario co-op missions like seen in Splinter Cell; games in which you try to amount enough money to pimp out a car; gathering necklaces to garner points; to protecting the pimp (try to help a teammate get to a safe spot to earn a point – they are designated by the pimp hat they wear).

All the modes are frantic and fun, as you can have up to 12 people in any game (though the framerate suffers highly then and your run into the dreaded lag time and time again). The ranking matches are the way to go, as you'll move up the standing's ladder, and also earn money to customize the look of your character. You can also join a fictional gang (the same as a clan in other videogames) and team-up with buddies as you take it to the streets.

The arenas that you battle in are nice, as there are opportunities abound for using vehicles, finding sniper spots, and finding a nice, relaxing place to chill with a hamburger (allows you to heal up if you eat it). There are also a few powerups like the pimp hat, which gives you the ability to pimp slap other players (a one hit kill, though while cool, is hard to pull off since you have to be within slapping distance). Also, you can make some enemies by using the pimp hat, because once I went on a run and killed about eight people in a row with the slap, and suddenly I found myself being cussed at a great deal.

And that little story ultimately leads to this – multiplayer on Saint's Row is rough…really rough; if you can't handle the fire stay out of the kitchen (or either learn how to mute them in a hurry). Almost every player I've run across suddenly find themselves thinking they are a thug, and these sound like the whitest kids still in the fourth grade (a scary thought to think someone that young is playing this game). Constant cursing, homophobia, and racism are just a few of the treats I've been witness to during a game. An utter of exasperation here or there in the heat of battle is to be expected, but I'm talking about people who just dogged on people and personally attacked them.

GRAPHICS
A mixed bag of sorts, because though everything has a nice sheen to it, everything looks rather dull I suppose. Characters during cutscenes don't seem to blend in with the background enough; the draw distance is beyond poor; and the whole game suffers from a bit of tearing here and there, not to mention some glitches where the freeway seems to disappear right in front of your eyes. However, the gameplay is almost enough to make up for these lackings, plus there are some truly great effects, like the destruction of a car blowing up and the flying of parts.

SOUND
It is in the sound department where the game really shines, as the voice actors are all quality right here, featuring such celebrity voices as Keith David, Michael Clark Duncan, and Mila Kunis just to name a few. Beyond the bigger characters voiced by the stars, even the no name NPCs on the screen have some great line readings, and though part of that comes from the writing, the other thing that makes them so well are the voice inflections used to deliver them. You will laugh at things you hear in this game.

The radio stations are also stacked, allowing you to listen to your own custom soundtracks, but give these stations within the game a listen, because they range from rap to alternative to 80s hair bands, and though I'm not a big rap fan, I even found myself bobbing my head to some of the beats. The radio stations also feature some hilarious commercials, and these are some you don't want to change the channel to miss.

IN CONCLUSION
The graphics are pretty disappointing when you take a second to remember that this is on a next generation system, but don't get the idea they are terrible – just a slight letdown. However, that fault is almost made up for thanks to the sheer enjoyability of the gameplay, the writing, the sound work, and anything else that doesn't fall on the graphics. The multiplayer is also solid to boot, though it will require some patches and fine tuning before it really becomes one of the go-to Xbox Live experiences. Still, given all its pros and cons, Saint's Row is one quality game, will move some systems, and is a blast to play.

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